The story behind the name:

One evening, at the Old Broadway Grill in Fargo, North Dakota, my brother caught the end of a Mountain Dew commercial. In the commercial, a Mountain Dew drinker was riding a shark in the ocean. My brother exclaimed in surprise, not realizing that it was a commercial. When I told him he declared "All I saw was a guy coming out of the shower with a shark." Of course, he meant water, but the idea of showering with sharks has been with me ever since.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mark's Drawers

Our kitchen is 30 years old. It has the sorts of problems you might imagine in a kitchen that is original to the house. One of the things that REALLY bugs me is a broken drawer next to the oven. Over the past few weeks Mark has attempted to "do something" about the drawer. Usually, he attempts to "do something" after I have screaming fit because I can't get the drawer to function properly. Tonight was one of those time (minus the screaming fit, however. I was too tired to through fits tonight).

So, we are sitting in the living room, a gaping hole where the drawer should be...

Mark is looking at the computer.

"I'm thinking about going to Menards."

"Need something for the big install tomorrow?" I ask. (Mark has to install some cork boards or something tomorrow morning. He's told me before, but I must admit that I didn't pay much attention).

"No. For the drawer."

He pauses. I look at him.

"I may have... done... something..."

This makes me laugh. Alot.

Several moments later.

"Oh?" I say.

"Ummm, I sort of... took it apart."

This is so funny I know I must blog about it immediately.

"Give me my computer," I say.

A few minutes later (while I am writing this blog) Mark says, "I shouldn't go. Make me stop."

I laugh some more. "Why? What?"

"Should I go? Get a replacement drawer?"

"Because you took the other one apart."

"Yeah. I thought I could fix it." Mark gives me a significant look. I think I may have looked skeptical. "It was BROKEN."

Mark sighs, then puts his shoes on. As I'm typing this, the garage door opens and he backs the car down the driveway.

Madden on... driving?

Sometimes Mark does things while driving that I do not approve of: tailgating, rolling through stop signs, ignore the stoplights that are supposed to control when you merge onto the interstate during rush hour, things like that...

This morning he wanted to move to the lane to the right. We were at a confluence of confusion when he decided to move over. Mark wanted to move into the lane at the same time that traffic was merging into it from Hwy 55. In order to make this maneuver work we were at one point surrounded on three sides by cars that could hit us. He almost rear-ended the car in front of us in order to speed up enough to get ahead of the car in the lane he wanted to be in. At the same time, a black Honda was merging into the lane. Luckily the black Honda backed off and we were able to exit 94 unscathed. After he pulled ahead of the Honda I said:

"No. That was bad. I cannot approve of what you just did."

"Whatever," said Mark. "I was driving defensively."

"No," I shook my head. "That was driving offensively."

"Well," said Mark, "the best defense is a good offense."

"Wrong," I said. "That is the wrong use of the word offense."

"It's driving according to John Madden," said Mark. "You know I always like to follow Madden's advice."