Sometimes Mark does things while driving that I do not approve of: tailgating, rolling through stop signs, ignore the stoplights that are supposed to control when you merge onto the interstate during rush hour, things like that...
This morning he wanted to move to the lane to the right. We were at a confluence of confusion when he decided to move over. Mark wanted to move into the lane at the same time that traffic was merging into it from Hwy 55. In order to make this maneuver work we were at one point surrounded on three sides by cars that could hit us. He almost rear-ended the car in front of us in order to speed up enough to get ahead of the car in the lane he wanted to be in. At the same time, a black Honda was merging into the lane. Luckily the black Honda backed off and we were able to exit 94 unscathed. After he pulled ahead of the Honda I said:
"No. That was bad. I cannot approve of what you just did."
"Whatever," said Mark. "I was driving defensively."
"No," I shook my head. "That was driving offensively."
"Well," said Mark, "the best defense is a good offense."
"Wrong," I said. "That is the wrong use of the word offense."
"It's driving according to John Madden," said Mark. "You know I always like to follow Madden's advice."
The story behind the name:
One evening, at the Old Broadway Grill in Fargo, North Dakota, my brother caught the end of a Mountain Dew commercial. In the commercial, a Mountain Dew drinker was riding a shark in the ocean. My brother exclaimed in surprise, not realizing that it was a commercial. When I told him he declared "All I saw was a guy coming out of the shower with a shark." Of course, he meant water, but the idea of showering with sharks has been with me ever since.