The story behind the name:

One evening, at the Old Broadway Grill in Fargo, North Dakota, my brother caught the end of a Mountain Dew commercial. In the commercial, a Mountain Dew drinker was riding a shark in the ocean. My brother exclaimed in surprise, not realizing that it was a commercial. When I told him he declared "All I saw was a guy coming out of the shower with a shark." Of course, he meant water, but the idea of showering with sharks has been with me ever since.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

It's Not Witty

So, I was reminded by one of my friends on Facebook that I hadn't posted any Mark witticisms in a long time. I responded it was because he hadn't been very witty, but that's not true. He is, after all, 20 percent, 100 percent of the time. What IS true is that I haven't been in a position to blog about him immediately after said witticisms take place and then, sadly, with the passage of time I forget them. Well, today, I have a story. It's not going to be funny in the traditional way... but you MIGHT think it's funny if the thought of Mark suffering makes you laugh (as it does me).

Let's begin at the beginning: 11:00 p.m. last night.

Mark: "You know Harper's going to be in here at 5:00 a.m."

Me: "God, she better not be. She didn't even nap today. She better sleep until at least 7:00."

We fall asleep and several hours pass...

When Harper gets up before us you hear the little sounds first. The noise she makes when she sucks on her nuk... The sound of her blankets rustling... Little feet on hardwood... Then, the sound of the shoe rack on her door thumping softly as she opens her door. Only after she gets to the side of the bed (Mark's is closest to the door, so that's where she heads first) does she start to whisper "daddy."

Most of the time when she gets to the side of the bed one of us will pick her up and try to get her to go back to sleep. Especially when it's 5 a.m. It was 5 a.m. when she came into the room this morning. Sometimes Mark is scarily prophetic.

I was vaguely aware of Mark putting her in bed with us and then, after a while, saying "Should we try your bed again?" Then he was gone for a bit and then back again. After a VERY short amount of time I heard it again... the nuk, the blankets, feet, the shoe rack, ... "COGO!" (Cogo is the name of the cat we are currently keeping for my sister-in-law, who is trying to sell her house. The cat's name is actually Pogo, but Harper can't say that so she calls him Cogo or, when prompted CO. GO.)

Anyway, the quiet whispering that usually follows this sequence of noises was preempted by her sighting of the cat, who she loves devotedly even though Pogo runs like the devil whenever she approaches him.

"COGO! I love you a lot!" Yells Harper.

It is very clear at this point that she will not be going back to bed. I discovered later (after sleeping in without Mark until 7:50 a.m.) that this occurred just before 5:30 a.m.

So, Mark's day technically began at 5 a.m. Do I feel guilty about sleeping in for another almost three hours? Yes. But I also feel well-rested.

When I got up Harper was watching Strawberry Shortcake episodes on Netflix and Mark was on the computer.

"We've been watching this since she got up. That's... 9 episodes since 5:30 a.m. Pretty good."

Yes... good... Anyone who has ever been forced to sit and watch multiple episodes of childrens shows knows how "good" that feels.

I stayed silent out of guilt and drowsiness.

Mark lays down on the couch. After a few minutes he says "Should get coffee or take a nap?"

Duh. Stupid question. If ever I am asked a question where coffee is a possible answer, I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS say coffee. ALWAYS.


"Coffee THEN nap," I respond. See, I sometimes take Mark's needs into account.

"Actually," I amend, "BAGELS and coffee." I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. We live right next to an Einstein Bros, a Starbucks, a Dunn Bros, and a McDonalds, so it wasn't like I was asking him to go out of his way for a bagel.

So Mark, being the exceptional husband that he is, pulled on some clothes and headed out to hunt and gather.

In the middle of an episode of Diego it briefly crossed my mind that it was taking him a long time, but I quickly went back to browsing the internet.

When he finally returned Harper yelled "Daddy!" Mark appeared with a cup of coffee and a harried look on his face.

"Well, that was a CF (translation, cluster-fuck)," he groused.

"Why? What happened?"

I was already pouring milk into my coffee. I was so preoccupied I didn't even notice the coffee wasn't from Einstein, which is where my bagel was from.

"It's was insane-busy. And they only had one guy working... you know, the old guy?"


"Well, he kept dropping change and stuff. Then, they ran out of coffee so I was like 'screw this' and I went to Dunn Bros." Mark sounds SUPER disgusted. I finally check the paper coffee cup and notice it's from Dunn Bros.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say. And I am, but that first drink of coffee tastes soooooooo goooooooood.

So, Mark's day so far has consisted of a early wake-up call, a Strawberry Shortcake marathon, a CF at Einstein, and a side-trip to Dunn Bros. And, as I blog this, it's only 10:13 a.m.

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