The story behind the name:

One evening, at the Old Broadway Grill in Fargo, North Dakota, my brother caught the end of a Mountain Dew commercial. In the commercial, a Mountain Dew drinker was riding a shark in the ocean. My brother exclaimed in surprise, not realizing that it was a commercial. When I told him he declared "All I saw was a guy coming out of the shower with a shark." Of course, he meant water, but the idea of showering with sharks has been with me ever since.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


So. Starting last summer, I noticed the occasional tapping noise on our house. Actually, Zelda noticed it at first. The noise came from the corner where the television sits. Zelda would hear it and start going nuts. At first I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. Then, one day I went out on the deck to investigate the sound and discovered a woodpecker pecking on the side of our house. As soon as I stepped out onto the deck it flew away. I had to go out a number of times last summer to scare the damn thing off. Then winter hit and the woodpecker must have migrated because the tapping stopped.

Well, it's back.

And it's ballsy.

Instead of flying off when I go out on the deck, it's been hanging around longer forcing me to jump up and down and yell at it (I have no idea how my neighbors interpret my behavior). Last week I had to throw water at it to get it to fly away. A few days ago it landed on the side of the house right outside our front door...

... as if it's taunting me.

Things came to a head two days ago...

I was in the living room when I heard the tapping. It sounded a little quieter than before so I thought maybe it was pecking the house further away from the deck. A challenge, if you will.

I open the door to the deck and stepped out.

The woodpecker was NOT on the side of the house.

I cocked my head, listening.


Sounded like the bird was tapping on one of the legs of the deck. I guessed it was hanging on to the support post a few feet below the edge of the deck railing.

I crept slowly and quietly toward the sound. I wanted to SEE the woodpecker trying to destroy my deck (Why? I don't know. It's not like I could take the stupid woodpecker to court.)

I moved carefully, fully expecting the bird to fly off well before I could glimpse it.

But the tapping continued.

I reached the deck railing and tapping continued.

I still can't decide if I was ninja-quiet or if the woodpecker just didn't give a damn that I was approaching.

I slowly and carefully peered over the railing of the deck...



I screamed. I'm not even ashamed of it. I swear to you I could see the gleam in that little bastard's eyes.

The woodpecker launched itself backward off the deck and flapped away.

I could feel the air displaced by its wings.

"Holy Shit."

I took a breath.

"I just had a face-to-face confrontation with a woodpecker."

Yep. I was talking to myself. Don't care. Not embarrassed.

I laughed. Felt alive. REALLY wanted to tell someone about it. So now I am.

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